BXBX NOVEL Chapter 233 231. Shouldn't Have Said That
Chapter 233 231. Shouldn\'t Have Said That
Even though the majority of me wanted to rush in and protect him from himself but that tiny part of thoughts in my mind prevented me from doing what my heart wanted.
The logical side of my brain is yelling at me not to be stupid and cater to Alex\'s bad behaviour. If he is now disgusted by sleeping with women casually then I can easily prevent him from going around sleeping with other women later on.
Yeah I know this makes me a worse lover but I just can\'t love someone selflessly as Grace does.
So even my heart broke into a thousand pieces, This is an important part for him and myself too, hence why even when guilt was eating me out, I stood outside the ward closing my ears with both of my hands eating for all this to be over.
"Hurting myself? It\'s not that big of a deal. Even if I tried my best to harm myself, I would be fine, I am heir of the Winchester family after all. Forget about that, Tell me why do you still care about me?"
Well as it turns out, hands are good at noise cancelling, I heard what he said, making each of his words penetrate in my heart and soul, torturing me.
I don\'t get it. Didn\'t these kinds of words I wanted to hear? If so then why is my heart tearing apart hearing them?
Why the moment I heard them I was disgusted by myself? I didn\'t want to feel this way, I just wanted to only be loved by him. Why is it too much to ask?
Why? Why? Why?!!
Can\'t have what I want once in my life? Am I not allowed to have desires? Nor have a wish for once in my life?
So why is this the case? Why is it\'s paining and hurting me to get what I want? Am I so unlucky that I don\'t even deserve the bare minimum?
What kinda sim goddess out there is punishing me?
No!!! Already sacrificed too much for others. My life, my worth, even myself is spent for the well-being of others who do not care about me at all.
I am allowed to be selfish. No, I deserve to be selfish for once in a lifetime. I would spend my whole life making upto him for this sin but I just can\'t compromise with this thing.
"Do you have any idea what I did before you came here? If you know you would definitely hate me, So go away, leave me alone, I can\'t bear to be hated by you."
Many such words came from the ward but I chose to ignore them all. It\'s making my heart bleed but my iron will keeping me together, not allowing me to break down.
This is all I have to do. Just stand outside doing nothing and all my problems would be solved by themselves.
This is exactly what I did, And as it turns out not it was working, Though Grace made Alex calm down but I let it pass as he calming down was the important part.
Now, I just have to wait a little more. He would say that he would never sleep with a woman out of the blue and then I just have to tame his urges, it would be fine after that, I believe it would be fine.
"I…I just was able to control it, Grace. Before in my teenage years, I still had slightly weird feelings about women but I was able to control it. Yeah, it used to hurt but I got used to that pain."
Those were the words that struck me, He said them so causally but as a woman who has a keen sense of detecting underlying emotions, I was quick to detect that the pain he said was not as casual as it made it to be.
I used to say in that tone, make it casual as if it was not a big deal or give up my favourite dress to my "sister", Or When she pushed me from the stairs and I broke my chin bleeding on the floor.
It hurt, It hurt a lot but I never said that to my parents because one they would have not believed that their angelic golden child would do something like that, They just had said I was lying.
And second, I also don\'t want to put my little sister in trouble, She already went through a lot, and I thought she would learn and grow up out of it. Well, that turned for the worse.
But anyway, with that experience of mine, I can tell he was hiding his pan, it would have hurt him to no avail but he just does not want to show his vulnerable side to the world.
Which I can relate from the heart, I too do not want to let words see my struggle, I just wanted them to leave me alone and let me drown in my tears with peace.
\'It pained him that much and he still tried to keep himself pure? How can any man have this strong will? Why does he need to put a strong face-up? Tha- Oh I get it, The curse of riches.\'
I could not understand why Alex was suffering alone, Why he did not seek help or tell anyone about it.
But then I also understood how can man say stuff like this to anyone? He would been too ashamed and embarrassed to have those intense thoughts like that towards women.
So he just decided to keep his mouth just, gritting his teeth bearing the pain just like her. It\'s just her case that was understandable, She is a woman who can handle that pain.
But what man like him needs to have a strong facade? With one cry for help would bring him all the help he needed from all over the world, it\'s not an exaggeration.
He has the face that makes even celestial nymphs ashamed to call themselves the most beautiful beings in existence. They clearly have not seen him as they front of him looks as ugly as a monkey\'s red ass.
On top of that, he was said to be heir to the Winchester family, Then it hit me, He is an heir of the big family, So there are some standards of that family even he has to follow it.
Who knows what kinda of blood tribulations he had to go through to get the position of heir of Winchester, Which would be a lot after all even my sister was on my throat for to be heir of the falling small families of mine.
And then he is also a man, So it was even harder for him to get and keep the position of the heir. No wonder he decided to keep his mum as who knows what kinda vile minded people in his family used his condition against him.
\'Maybe I am being too harsh on him. He clearly wanted to change. Rather than standing here, I should go and help him in this vulnerable time of his.\'
As it turned out, I was being stupid, there are way too many things that are common in us, So we are just meant to be.
And Alex seems to not wants to do these acts, Just his body does not listen to him which is understandable as man is already quite weak and then to supply power to the dual cultivation physiques, It would putting quite a toll on the body.
So I decided to stop being heartless, Just go to him and console him in his time of need. Can\'t let Grace take all of his love, can I?
After which the service ordered would also come here, So we are able to find a way together to deal with this issue, It would be all going to be fine.
Oh, how I wish I shouldn\'t have said that.
"It was fine till a few days ago, But after I had sex with Alia, I became just out of control, I could not control myself, Everytime I look at the woman, I wanted to bang her. The thought before would have disgusted me now makes me more excited."
Just as I was about to walk towards the entrance of the ward, These words of his fell on my ears, locking me in place.
(A/N : By the way, do you like this 1st POV?
• Yes
• No
• Netural
Also, I forgot to say it before, Happy Diwali guys, I know it\'s late, sorry for that. After tomorrow 2 ch a day would start again.
Like always thank you for reading and have a good day .)