Chapter 413: 400: Better a Short Sharp Pain than a Long One
Zhuang Qingning gripped her sleeve and spoke hesitantly, “Brother Wencheng… how have you been in the pharmacy lately? With everything going on, I haven’t had the chance to ask or visit you there since you started working at the pharmacy.”
“All’s well. Doctor Wei is a kind man and Yuansheng is easy to get along with. He keeps saying he wants to be my student.” Zhuang Wencheng answered, slightly embarrassed. “I’m not even fully trained myself, how could I possibly accept a student? So I didn’t agree.”
“However, I see that Yuansheng is willing to learn, and I did teach him some things. Yuansheng is clever and remembers the medicinal herbs well, he learns faster than I did at his age. Maybe in a few years, I won’t be teaching him, I will be learning along with him.”
“They say teaching a student can be the death of the master because masters often hold back some of their knowledge just in case. You, on the other hand, Brother Wencheng, don’t seem to hold anything back.”
Zhuang Qingning smirked and teased.
“Oh, stop with the ‘master’ thing. Medicine is about helping people and accumulating virtue. If more people can learn medical skills, it could be a lifesaver when there’s no time to call a doctor. Who knows? It might even turn out to be very useful.”
Zhuang Wencheng chuckled and continued, “Anyway, learning medicine depends mainly on talent. Even if trained by the same master, everyone learns differently. If someone is truly gifted, they can learn by observation and contemplation, even without my deliberate teaching. But if they lack talent, my teaching won’t make a difference.”
“It’s all up to fate, I suppose.”
Zhuang Qingning observed that Zhuang Wencheng spoke with an ease, his face adorned with a sunny smile.
His smile, and his thoughts, were pure as crystal, untainted by any impurities.
Her childhood friend was truly a gentle and kind-hearted man.
He was genuinely affectionate towards her and never once sought credit for his help in the past. He never put any pressure on her, and his thoughts were incredibly pure.
Zhuang Qingning looked at Zhuang Wencheng, and the words she had intended to say suddenly began to stick in her throat as she didn’t know how to articulate them.
“Little Sister Ning, do you have something you want to tell me…?”
Seeing Zhuang Qingning not speaking, Zhuang Wencheng asked.
Zhuang Qingning pursed her lips and looked up into Zhuang Wencheng’s bright and profound eyes.
After a moment’s hesitation, Zhuang Qingning bit her lip and found her resolve. “Brother Wencheng, do you see me as more than just a sister?”
At her words, Zhuang Wencheng’s face turned as red as a beet.
Seeing Zhuang Qingning’s stuttering demeanor, he suspected she might have something to say, but he didn’t expect her to confront him with this, so directly too.
“Little Sister Ning, I…” Zhuang Wencheng fumbled awkwardly, unsure where to place his hands or where to look. He hesitated, fidgeting with his fingers. “About this, I…”
“But, I see Brother Wencheng as a real brother.” Zhuang Qingning added.
Zhuang Wencheng’s head snapped up to see Zhuang Qingning’s steadfast gaze, his complexion turning pale.
Despite knowing that Zhuang Qingning likely did not reciprocate his feelings and predicting one day he would have to face this harsh reality, he wasn’t prepared for the actual confrontation. The pain was unbearable, his head throbbed and buzzed. A moment of blankness followed, it took a while for him to come back to senses and he muttered hesitantly, “Is that so?”
“Yes.” Zhuang Qingning affirmed earnestly. “As the eldest daughter in the family, I didn’t have a biological brother. Brother Wencheng, you have always treated me well, and in return, I look up to you as an elder brother. ”
“I cannot know what your true feelings towards me are, Brother Wencheng, but I do know that in my heart, I see you only as a real brother.”
Zhuang Qingning bit her lip and continued, “I hope, Brother Wencheng, that you understand my feelings.”
Her words were as clear as daylight.
Zhuang Wencheng turned even paler, his head drooping still further.
When he lifted his head again, his eyes had lost their shine. “I understand, I got it… ”
“Anyway, it’s getting late. Little Sister Ning, you should go and have your meal. I need to go home for dinner as well.”
With that, he started walking away.
Feeling lost, as though his soul had left his body.
Zhuang Qingning watched him leave, struggling with the desire to call him back for some words of consolation, but she held herself back.
Better a short sharp pain, than one that drags on.
If she really didn’t have feelings for Zhuang Wencheng, she couldn’t entertain his hopes. Otherwise, she would be dragging him along and hurting him.
Polite refusals or waiting for him to figure things out and leave on his own would only serve to comfort her own conscience and would likely not make a difference to him. They could in fact, fuel his fantasy and increase his pain.
Only by extinguishing all hopes, could she make him aware that this was hopeless.
Even if it was painful, given some time a scab would form over the wound and bleeding would stop. And after some more time, once that scab fell off and the scar healed, this matter would gradually be forgotten.
Zhuang Qingning pursed her lips, gently shut the door of the courtyard and returned to her small courtyard.
“Sister, why were you gone so long?” Zhuang Qingsui fed Snow Globe the crab meat she had peeled off its leg.
“I was having a long talk with Brother Wencheng.” Zhuang Qingning hid her inner turmoil and picked up her food, “Let’s finish our meal.”
“Alright.” Zhuang Qingsui was done feeding Snow Globe and started to eat her lotus roots.
Meanwhile, Zhuang Qingning picked up a piece of cold mixed tofu skin.
—-
The road from Zhuang Qingning’s house to Zhuang Wencheng’s was not long.
At least that’s what Zhuang Wencheng always thought as he frequently walked it, and it always seemed short and straight.
But today, Zhuang Wencheng found the road to be long and hard.
Although he didn’t look back after every step, he did turn around every two or three steps.
He wished he could see Zhuang Qingning, hoping to talk to her, to comfort his troubled heart.
Instead, he heard the squeak of the courtyard gate shutting. Clearly, Zhuang Qingning was utterly resolute and showed no hesitation.
Her words and laughter in daily life were due to her gratitude and respect towards him and nothing else.
The tiny flicker of hope in Zhuang Wencheng’s heart was extinguished, once and for all.