Chapter 544 Emotional Detox
After she had showered, she put on combat shorts with a tank top and settled on her bed with her journal and pen in hand.
Now that she was finally alone, she could relax and think about all her mother had said earlier and also put her relationship with Harry in perspective.
As she opened her journal to jot down her thoughts, a knock sounded on the door, and glared at it. Why couldn't a person be left alone around here? She mused irritably.
"Princess?" Desmond called, and almost immediately her irritation died and her lips pulled into a smile when she heard her dad's voice.
"You can come in, dad," Jade called to him, and sat up on her bed as she watched her father walk into the bedroom with a glass of juice.
"You look so beautiful my eyes ache," Desmond said as he took note of her hair which had been washed and styled in a way that instead of the pixie cut which had grown a bit long, she now had a short bob. Her brows had been plucked too, and she had also gotten a lash extension done.
"Thanks," Jade said with a wide smile.
"Is that for me?" Jade asked even as she reached out to take the glass of juice from him.
"Sure," Desmond said as he let her have it, and he sat on the edge of the bed.
"Thanks," Jade said as she drank from the glass and gulped down everything, "I didn't realize I was craving something cold and sweet," Jade said with a smile of gratitude as she dropped the empty glass on her nightstand.
"How was your outing with your mother?" Desmond asked as he kept his gaze on her.
Jade shrugged, "Eventful. She told you about the incident at the spa?" Jade asked, and Desmond nodded.
"Yeah. She also said she slipped back into her age-long habit and you were disappointed," Desmond said, and Jade raised a brow.
"So you are here to scold me for being harsh to your wife?" she asked, and Desmond chuckled.
"That's between your mother and you. Besides, I chided her too. I'm just here to spend some time with you since we've hardly had any time to ourselves in a long time," Desmond said, and Jade smiled.
"That's true," Jade said as she shut her journal and pushed it away from her. She could do her reflection at a later time.
"So what has been going on with you lately aside from Harry?" Desmond asked, and Jade giggled.
"Why do I feel like the subject you just put aside is the real topic you want to talk about? Oh, I know why. It is because I know you very well," Jade said, and Desmond chuckled.
"I'm being real this time, trust me. Besides, what's there to want to talk about Harry for? I know him. And I pretty much know you both are into each other and he sent you some good morning flowers and stuff. I'm just here to really know how you're doing," Desmond said, and Jade looked at her father for a moment.
"I'm fine. You know I'm fine," she said, and Desmond nodded.
"You look fine. But we will know soon enough. Why don't you tell me all about Varis? Your job, your cases, your dating life over there... Before Harry," Desmond added.
"We never got the chance to visit 'cause you kept saying you were busy each time we offered to visit you. So I want to hear all about it. Bring me up to speed with your life. I'd also like to know how you met Candace and all that crime story in between," Desmond said as he let his back rest on the headboard of the bed, and Jade tucked both legs in front of her as she sat comfortably facing him.
Desmond listened to every word that came out of Jade's lips with rapt attention, laughing and exclaiming when he needed to, and expressing disbelief and disapproval when necessary.
"Interesting," Desmond said when Jade finished speaking. But Jade was not sure what part of her story he was referring to. Unlike her mother, she had told her father all about Candace and even Andy and their stripping job. She knew her father would never judge Candace by that.
Desmond did not miss the fact that she had spoken all about work and she did not mention anything about any guy in her life until Harry came over as a knight in shining armor to rescue his damsel in distress.
"You are so brilliant, Jady. Did you know that?" He asked, and Jade giggled.
"Of course, I do."
"And you are very smart too," Desmond said and watched as Jade's giggle settled into a smile.
"And you are so beautiful and kind-hearted and loyal. And I'm so proud of the lady you are," Desmond said, and this time Jade shifted uncomfortably as she tried not to squirm.
Knowing her dad, a long speech was going to follow those compliments, and she wasn't so sure what this speech was going to be about or if she was going to like it.
"Okay. Where is this going, dad?" She asked as she scratched the back of her ear.
"Well, your mother told me about your conversation with her earlier this morning. And she mentioned your misunderstanding with Harr...."
"Here we go. I knew it! I was wondering how long it will take you to get to the Harry talk," Jade cut in, and Desmond smiled.
"As I said, I'm not here to talk about Harry. It's you I want to talk about. This is about you not about Harry," Desmond said, and Jade rolled her eyes.
"Alright. Go on. I'm listening. But if you are going to repeat all that talk about how I'm a spoilt princess...."
"I don't think you are a spoilt princess," Desmond cut in, and Jade paused as she looked at him with suspicion, wondering what his deal was.
"Yes. You heard me. Maybe a broken princess, but definitely not a spoiled one. I think you are a very beautiful, brilliant, and smart young lady who knows exactly what she wants and goes for it. And I need you to always remember that. Never forget who you are. Not even for a second. Do not let events of the past make you doubt your worth, or affect the way you see yourself or the way you project yourself to others," Desmond said and paused to make sure she was following.
"What do you mean?" She asked, confusion clouding her blue eyes that looked very much like her father's.
"I'm saying you should always carry yourself with pride in yourself not just your job. Do not feel inferior or insecure about anything or anyone. I can tell you for free that Todd didn't cheat on you because you were not good enough or because you were lacking in any way," Desmond said, and tears gathered in Jade's eyes as she looked away from him, feeling as though he could see what was inside her head by looking into her eyes.
It was true that in the first year after Todd died she had been full of unanswered questions. She had always wondered why Todd cheated on her. She had wondered if she had been lacking in a way. But never had she voiced out those thoughts of inadequacy.
She had asked herself a lot of questions concerning their relationship and it had been harder for her to deal with Todd's betrayal because he was not even alive to tell her what she had done wrong or the areas where she had been lacking that made him decide to not only get into a relationship with someone else but to also engage her.
His betrayal had stung. Her feminine pride and self-esteem had been completely bruised and battered, and the only pride she had left was her pride in being a member of the Hank family and her pride in her career. And that was the reason she had invested all her time and energy into her career.
"I would have had this conversation with you long ago had you been open to talking about Todd. But you refused to say anything and I didn't want to force you. Look at me, princess," Desmond said, and Jade reluctantly met his gaze as a tear slid down her cheek.
She hadn't realized that the wound was still very raw and fresh despite all the time that had passed. She had deceived herself into believing she had moved on because she stopped thinking of it. But only now did she realize that the surface of the wound might have closed, and seemed like it was healed, but the wound was still bleeding inside.
Desmond reached out and brushed away her tears even as more fell, "You are beautiful, Jade. You are loved lavishly. You are more than enough, and any man that would have the honor of having you in his life is lucky. You have no idea how lucky your brothers and I are to have you. Todd never deserved you. I'm not saying this as your dad. I'm saying this because I know it for a fact," Desmond said, as he looked into his little girl's eyes and watched her lips quiver.
He realized that he should have spoken with her sooner. It had occurred to him while listening to Evelyn speak about her discussion with Jade concerning her conflict with Harry, that Jade might be feeling insecure because of self-doubt and not just because she had trust issues.
It was one thing to distrust other people, but it was completely another thing to carry such fear that anyone else could easily replace you. Such thoughts often stemmed from a deep-rooted feeling of inadequacy.
If there was one thing he knew, it was the fact that no one who truly knew their worth, would easily feel threatened by the presence of someone else unless, of course, the person felt the person was better than them.
"I know you are still hurt. And I suspect that somewhere inside you, a deep part of you probably blames yourself for what Todd did. You are probably thinking you did something to deserve what he did. Or maybe you are thinking if you were a certain way, he wouldn't have done that. I'm here to tell you that it wasn't you. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't about what you did or what you did not do. Todd did what Todd wanted, and it had absolutely nothing to do with you or your abilities," Desmond said and his heart ached as he watched Jade break into a sob.
"I'm saying this because I don't want you to keep carrying such a mindset or burden around. I especially don't want you to carry it into your next relationship. It hurts, but admit to yourself that he didn't love you. He found love somewhere else and that is fine. Now it's time for you to heal completely and move on. Forgive Todd, and let go of whatever anger or bitterness you harbor in your heart. You are forgiving him for not being honest with you. You are doing it for yourself, not for him. You are doing it so you can move on completely. And if it makes you feel better, tell yourself that it was for the best that he found the kind of love he wanted before he died whether it was with you or not," Desmond said as he pulled Jade to himself and embraced her as she wept.
"It hurts dad. My heart still hurts," Jade cried, and a tear dropped from Desmond's eyes as he patted her back.
"I know Princess. That's why you need to face it now and let it go. The emotional wound needs to be opened and treated properly for it to heal. You've let it fester for too long by neglecting it. Now face it," Desmond said and he continued to murmur silent assurances to her.
Once she had calmed a bit, Desmond rose from the bed and walked over to get her the box of tissue on top of the dressing table. After she had wiped her nose and face, Desmond looked at her, "Now say, I am beautiful."
"Go on and say it," Desmond urged her when Jade looked at him, reluctant to say it.
"I'm beautiful."
"I am more than enough," Desmond said, and tears clouded Jade's eyes again.
"I'm more than enough," Jade repeated.
"Say it confidently, princess. Your lips are saying it but your body isn't. I don't need you to say it like you believe it. I need you to really believe it," Desmond encouraged.
Jade sat up and raised her chin, "I am more than enough."
Desmond grinned, "Harry is such a lucky bastard to have you."
"Yeah. Harry is lucky," Jade affirmed, as she embraced her dad, and they both turned to the door when a knock sounded on it.
"Can I come in? It's Candace," Candace announced.
"Yeah, come in," Jade called without leaving her dad's body and Candace opened the door.
As Desmond watched Candace enter the room, he remembered what his wife had said Jade told her at the spa, and he also remembered what Jade had told him a while ago about her.
Candace looked from father to daughter and she didn't miss the crumpled tissues on the floor. Jade's red nose was enough to tell her Jade had been crying.
"Harry is outside. He wants to see you," Candace announced, making Jade's heart skip a beat as she sat up and pulled away from her dad.
Desmond chuckled at her spontaneous reaction as he watched her run to the mirror to look at her face.
"I will let you handle your business, Princess. Carry yourself like the brilliant lady I know you are," Desmond said as he got off the bed and picked up the empty glass of juice from the nightstand.
"Thanks, Dad. I love you," Jade said without looking at him as she powdered her face and applied a bit of lip gloss to her lips.
Desmond said nothing as he approached the door where Candace remained, standing there like she was waiting for him to leave so she could say something to Jade.
"Where is Jamal?" Desmond asked curiously.
"He is with Evelyn and Janet in the Den," Candace said politely.
"And how is your dad's health?" Desmond asked, deliberately referring to Aaron that way to see how she would react.
Candace's heart skipped a beat at that, but she nodded, "He looks much better than he did yesterday."
"Good," Desmond said with a nod, and without another word to her, he walked out of the bedroom.
Desmond sighed inwardly knowing that he was going to also have to talk to her. It seemed like Jade and all the young ladies connected to him through his kids went about with so much emotional baggage. And just like Lucy, Sonia, and Jade, Candace also needed a bit of emotional detox.